Hello,
I know it's been a while. Though I'm a "SAHM" (I literally hate this word because we don't just "stay at home" which sounds like we're pathetic shaking our legs just staring at our baby kind) it has been a heavy load of a rollercoaster ride for me.
Please. I am still very thankful for my life as I still am able to wake up and food is already ready for me (grateful for my mom) and I got lots of help caring for my child (grateful for my dad) and of course my famous super duper fantastic husband (yup he is not perfect but he is just beyond excellent as a person, a son, a husband and definitely a fantastic father). Of course, super grateful for my beautiful healthy boy who never fails to amaze me at every milestone reached and at how much I learn something new about myself.
I am happy for all that except still finding it hard to learn to accept myself or love myself. I can't lie I feel demoralised for not being able to land a job or sometimes just not being able to provide for myself. Not helping that other's words really get in me so much that I as an overthinker get really really overwhelmed and hard to just do the "breathing". So I wonder how am I able to help my baby with his "big emotions when I still can't figure out mine? I know people say, if you're mentally unstable you don't deserve to have a child. But honestly, this child helped me a lot too. Help me learn that I am stronger than I thought I am. That I can be loved too, unconditionally. Okay, this is making me really emotional.
Okay enough about me.
Just wanna also update what I have been doing as a mom. Haha!
Yes, I cook for my baby, trying my best to keep it healthy but interesting at the same time. I am actually quite lucky alhamdulillahlah. As my baby is not a picky eater (well so far) he loves his food and has no problem trying new things. I have been doing BLW (baby-led weaning) but I am not gonna lie life is not always easy simple and organized all the time for me it's a mixture of BLW & traditional eating (spoon-fed) it really depends on the situation. However, I always try to make it a habit for BLW and never forced my baby into eating. I try to make it a routine where he sits in his high chair/ portable feeding chair which is lower and recites his duaas first then starts with fruits then the main and then a cup of water (which he has been great at sipping the water by himself). He's going to be 11 months old this 25th and has amazed me so much I swear I am super thankful for that! Of course, it is not always rainbows and butterflies with my baby as he can be challenging. Yes I know I use to be a teacher and can handle a handful of students at once but I swear dealing with your own child is SOOOOO different.
Here's a picture of his BLW meals that I share on his IG.
I do have activities with him too. And try to make DIY materials for him to explore. We do activities together, storytelling and also free play but of course will make it a together thing too. I try to have that more than his screen time. Okay I know he is definitely not supposed to have screen time but we are still staying with my parents which means most of the time the TV is on so he does have his TV time (the only screen time he can have. No tablets no phones. If need, phones usually for him to look at himself that's about it). I have been introducing him "Nussa & Rarra" for Islamic learning and "Songs for Littles" for his English, Speech etc, on Youtube. All these are adult-assisted, with interactions too. We try our best not to let him be too into watching it and making it a habit or the only entertainment for him and it's usually within a short time. I just want to put it up here that no parents or no teachings or guidance are perfect. YOU DO YOU parenting as long as the child is safe and happy. I know children are most top priority but I would like to also shoutout to parents, especially moms or dads alone whoever who spend the longest time taking care of your child that YOUR "SELF-CARE" or "SELF-LOVE" is equally important so if you ever accidentally scolded or shouted at your child IT IS OKAY. But do not wait too long to apologise to them (although you might think they are still babies they don't understand) just apologised and talk to them gently and hug them. BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND THAT SOME ADULTS STILL HAVE DIFFICULTY WITH THEIR OWN BIG EMOTIONS AND IT IS OKAY TO ADMIT AND EMBRACE IT BUT IT IS EQUALLY IMPORTANT TO LEARN AND KEEP IMPROVING YOURSELF BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY WE ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR OUR CHILDREN JUST LIKE ANY OTHER PARENTS. NO ONE IS PERFECT. PERIOD.
Before I go I just want to say, YOU ARE GREAT and KEEP BEING YOU. Don't let anyone bring you down. You are perfectly fine as you are, UNIQUELY YOU.
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